Are you sad enough? Experts teach you how to find your own way of dealing with it in 5 steps

The average person has limited knowledge of how to respond to loss or injury and has little discussion. We often endure our grief on our own, dare not share our inner feelings, and worry that our reactions may be misunderstood or rebuked.

For many years, when I was speaking on the topic of grief, I would definitely be asked the following questions, but the questions were slightly different:

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"Am I going to get crazy? I keep crying, where is there any problem?" Or, "I can't cry, what's wrong? My sadness is ups and downs, where is it not right?" "Why do I look worse and sad, rather than better?"

Here, I want to assure you that it is natural and normal regardless of your reaction to sadness. What you feel may be sadness, vitality, anxiety, or other emotions; or it may be mixed feelings and various feelings are in your heart. You can cry or not. Some people's grief takes a long time to gradually calm down, some people can get out of the grief in a short time, and there is no rule that defines that a person's grief reaction is normal or abnormal. Therefore, in the journey of life loss and grief, there is no effective route map that can help us understand our own experience and pain. However, I hope this book can help you build your own path through your own grief.

In my teaching and lectures, counseling suggestions, and hundreds of letters I received when I was editing Journeys: A Newsletter to Help in Bereavement, I found two patterns of grief that most people think of.

The first mode is to get better every day, but sometimes you will suddenly feel extremely painful, especially before or after a holiday, birthday or anniversary.

Another type of tragedy is that it is believed that tragedy is staged, based on the well-known life and death master Elizabeth. Elisabeth Kiibler-Ross learned the theory of "five-stage grief" when he was working on his final work. The singular person believes that, or others believe, when losing a singular person, he will first denial, angry, bargaining, depression, and finally accept (acceptance). But in fact, Kuborough — Ross originally viewed these stages as a reflection of how people are affected by illness and end times, rather than the process in which they suffer from grief. The actual tragedy is actually more personal, usually very confusing, and harder to predict. I think that our tragedy must go through the above stages of thoughts, which will make us have wrong expectations about the tragedy. When the real situation does not follow the stage, we will be confused, and start to be self-doubted, and even have uncertainties about our feelings and thoughts.

Therefore, grief is not a single process that everyone experiences in the same way. Since we are not feeling the grief in a predictable series of stages, there is no "one-only" method to deal with the loss.

In addition, there is no end to grief. Sorrow is not about breaking up past relationships or keeping yourself out of the way.

Even in a single situation, you can continue to connect with the past, but maintain it in different ways.

Truth is not a disease you have to overcome, but a journey. Here are the new things you need to know about grief:

• you can have your own unique and unique grief path.

• Tragedy is not only a kind of emotion, but also a physical, behavior, awareness, social and spiritual reaction. Your reaction will be influenced by the religion you believe in, or spiritual consciousness, culture, level, gender and life experience.

• Tragedy is definitely not about giving up your relationship with the deceased, but about understanding how you continue to be connected with the person you love may become more complicated.

• You will suffer many other related losses due to one loss or apprehension, and these "secondary losses" will also affect your life.

•You not only have to face loss, but also face the deeper and deeper tragedy, even if you may have been a while since you feel much better.

Once you understand the ways of tragic manifestations that are different from others in your personal life, and in the lives of the people you care about and love, you can not only help yourself and find a dedicated way of dealing with it, but also better understand how to effectively lend a helping hand and support your friends who are suffering from tragedy.

※ This article is excerpted from "Continue moving forward, so sadness won't be as strong as possible."

"Continue to move forward, sorrow won't be as good as you can"

Author: Kenneth J. Duoka

Translator: Lin Liguan

Publisher: Timely Publishing

Publication Date: 2023/05/23

Responsible Editor: Gu Zihuan