A marriage is a divorce, and there is still a marriage relationship! "Mature Marriage" gives both parties a chance to breathe

My husband and I have been married for 30 years. He chose to retire early three years ago. Because the children have already formed a family, we two don’t like social life. We often stare at home, and gradually become less and less likely to see him. Therefore, there is more friction. We often feel that we just leave, but we don’t dare to act. Seeing that the Japanese have a “final marriage”, we feel a little bit more accustomed to it. I want to know more about what “final marriage” is? (Miss Wu, Taipei)

As the times change, emotional concepts gradually become open, and marriage patterns are no longer limited to a single form. In 2004, Japanese writer Yumiko Sugiyama advocated in her book "Trial Marriage: A Happy Choice for Not Divorce". Different from the previous concept of marriage, the word "Trial Marriage" means death, end, and end. In short, the marriage of two people does not terminate the legal form of marriage and continue to live together. Physical and mental doctors analyzed that "After marriage does not mean that you don't love each other, it just adopts a lifestyle that allows both parties to breathe."

9} ≠ divorce  still retains the marriage relationship

According to Sugiyama Yumiko, the so-called "divorce marriage" means that couples who live together for a long time cannot dissolve the marriage relationship but can enjoy life. Understand each other's differences and agree that they have different interests and ideas. They don't need to be together all the time, they can also live separately or travel to different places. But because they are family members, they still support each other.

Li Minshan, a physician of physical and mental science, said that adopting the "pre-marriage" method is to allow the couple to live their own lives, but legally marriage relationships still exist. It is common for mature couples from 55 to 70 to "for elders, they feel that divorce is not ashamed of face problems, but they feel tired of marriage." In fact, a more pronounced description of pre-marriage is to give each other more self-space.

Give each other freedom like couple and friends

In fact, Yumiko Sugiyama proposed this concept, which originated from many early-born traditional Japanese women who sacrificed themselves after entering marriage, gave up their ideals and careers. For the wholehearted efforts of the family, as a professional family leader worked hard to provide everything for their children and husbands. However, after the daughter grew up and became a family, the older women found that the couple was in a good position to be in harmony day and night, and the marriage style was more suitable for the two.

Li Minshan shared that the same is true in many cases in Taiwan. There are two common reasons for marriage. The first is that after the woman leaves home to recite books, her inner world is empty, she loses her center of gravity, and cannot find the reality of her self-value. At this time, her mental health will age very quickly and become anxious.

The second type is that no matter which one couple, they were originally working together, but after retirement, they were like a ball of breathlessness. When the focus of their lives was left, the value of the two had been in harmony for a long time. It was originally for the children to tolerate it, but when the children left their homes, they began to think about whether they could change into a relative mode and did not choose to divorce, because "divorce" felt broken. On the other hand, young people had the possibility of the next marriage, but it was difficult for mature people to have new feelings to begin, so it would be better to get married.

Li Minshan pointed out that each person's value view at different stages of life will change, each of them will live their own lives, but it does not mean that they can have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Because there are still legal recognition relationships, there are more cases of "marriage" abroad, and the two people live in different places. One lives in the countryside and the other lives in the city, and they live separately, and each enjoys a living circle. They gather on weekends, which turns into more like a familiar friend relationship.

Pass marriage vs. Where is the difference between divorce?

‧Passive marriage: In the form of "not disbanding the marriage relationship", the couple enjoy their second half of their lives. The couple can live together and no longer live in vain.

‧Divorce: The couple or one of the couples has the intention to end the marriage and terminate the marriage relationship according to the procedures stipulated by law.